To the Editor:
I was gratified to see the article in a recent paper regarding the debate currently swirling about the country regarding cash bail. I was especially glad to see that the article was written by a bail bondsman. I mean, who better to know the "ins and outs" of a business than someone who manages 12 bond agents around the state, and who knows exactly how this cash flow affects him and his family.
As a representative of the lead paint industry, I have often been accused of "profiteering" off of low-income families. Like with bail bonds, my industry targets low-income clients who, if only they could pull themselves up by the bootstraps, wouldn't have to pay a bondsman 10 percent of the bond (whether guilty or not) or spend, potentially, months in jail waiting for trial. My clients are similar. If they were more affluent, they wouldn't need to use cheap lead paint.
In other news, I would like to say Ha! to the naysayers about the Keystone XL pipeline not providing lasting, local jobs. I manage a side-business in cleaning up oil spills (or litigation mitigation in industry parlance huh, huh) and let me tell you brother, business is a booming. If this thing actually does make it all the way down to the Gulf Coast, I may just give up on lead paint thing all together. Especially if Ryan Zinke lets us mine, drill and log the national monuments. Boo Yah!
Lastly, thanks John Thune for all the hard work rolling back protections on average Americans from the predatory practices that caused the crash of 2008. I mean, who remembers that? And as a rich fella, my taxes look to go way down. Love ya!
This letter is meant to be a work of satire, obviously. While we are distracted daily by the circus in Washington, our system of government is being dismantled from within, with barely a word said. I for one am saddened by what my children are being saddled with, just so a few billionaires will become bigger billionaires.