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Chocolate, beer and guilt by association

The difference between men and women is obvious. Men like beer and women like to make them feel guilty for drinking it. This is because women feel guilty when they overindulge on chocolate and want some empathy.

Men view beer as rightfully deserving at the end of a long workday. Women view chocolate as a "treat."

Women don't want their favorite chocolate readily available. Instead, they try to delay their indulgences by intentionally not buying it so they aren't constantly tempted. They'll also make deals with themselves by allowing occasional chocolate treats but will put a limit on how much or how often they can have it. If they end up eating more than they should have, they'll hide what's left in hopes of forgetting about it.

Other chocolate-resisting strategies include making it difficult to get to, freezing it, or keeping it out of sight.

Men would consider this very stupid. Guys intentionally put beer in the refrigerator within sight and easy reach. They don't want to have to dig around clear in the back if they don't see it and don't like having to move stuff around in order reach it.

Oftentimes when women are trying to lose weight, they'll worry about overindulging on chocolate and offer to share it with a friend so they won't feel guilty alone. Men like sharing their beer with friends too while shootin' the breeze but they want their friends to have their own can.

Contrary to women's beliefs, men are concerned about losing weight. If the beer carton seems a little underweight, they get concerned. They'll also worry about whether or not there's any beer at home and will pick some up after work if there's any doubt.

When women eat more chocolate than they intended, many will feel temporary satisfaction, then chocolate-binging remorsefulness. When men drink more beer than they intended, many feel a powerful urge to take a leak.

In deciding whether or not to have some chocolate, women will drag out their decision. They'll mull it over by considering everything they ate earlier that day; analyze the pros and cons of having it, and if it's worth sacrificing their goal of dropping those extra pounds. Men don't put any effort into avoiding beer at all. They do not delay any more than is necessary if beer is on their mind or in their field of vision.

It's been my observation as well as my personal experience that women will make a piece of chocolate last as long as possible. They'll try to savor it by consuming it slowly in several tiny bites. Men consume beer to drink it and savor the flavor of it by belching. The only reason a man would sip any beer would be if it had a yucky flavor or nasty aftertaste but even if skunky beer was all he had, he'd still drink it.

Men don't bother feeling guilty about drinking beer because they know it's senseless to worry about it if somebody else already is. Women have more experience with guilt and do a better job worrying about men's beer drinking than any man ever could, which makes drinking beer man's guilty pleasure.

Amy Kirk and her husband raise their two kids on a fourth-generation cow/calf operation near Pringle.