ADVICE: How do avoid the Bridezilla dramaIn just a few short months, one of nature’s most feared predators will stir from hibernation. She’s tired. She’s hungry. She’s irritable. It’s Bridezilla.
By: Candy DenOuden, The Daily Republic
In just a few short months, one of nature’s most feared predators will stir from hibernation.
She’s tired. She’s hungry. She’s irritable.
Brides have developed a bad reputation, thanks in part to reality TV and the ever-increasing pressure to put on a Kardashian-style wedding event.
Maybe that’s why there’s one thing all weddings I’ve attended have in common: drama. To a certain extent, it’s inevitable, because wherever two or more are gathered — particularly if alcohol is added — there also drama shall abide. Weddings, though, seem to fuel a whole new breed of bad behavior.
Mama Drama, In-Law Drama, Drunk-Dude Drama — it comes in many shapes, sizes and varying levels of hostility, but, it’s ever-present.
But is that always the bride’s fault?
Some women might deserve the Bridezilla moniker. But I contend that Bridezilla’s viciousness has been over-publicized, kind of like great white sharks or grizzly bears. If you run at a grizzly with a sharp object, chances are you’re going to experience a wee bit of terror and pain. Most would consider that a stupid endeavor. That’s why we “don’t poke the bear.”
But with brides, people routinely poke, and poke, and poke a little more, then feign martyrdom when Bridezilla “bears” her own set of teeth.
“All I asked was if she really thought that dress was flattering, and she just FLEW off the handle!”
If you’re involved with the nitty-gritty wedding details, it means you likely know the bride on more than a casual basis. That means you likely also know her distress signals.
Most days, unless you are just rude, we take care not to push the big red buttons that will set people off. But during wedding season, for some reason, people line up to see that Bride Rocket Launch.
We forget this is one day, just one, where a man and a woman want to tie the knot in a manner that reflects who they are — not who we think they should be — as individuals and as a couple.
Instead, bridesmaids throw fits about their dresses or refuse to help with planning. Relatives renew old grudges and look for ways to take offense. Future in-laws decide to re-create the Hatfields vs. the McCoys. This is typically where Bridezilla enters in.
And there’s the moms.
The most common, and messy, way I’ve seen for a nice, sweet bride to transform into a terrible monster is when the Full Moon of Mom rises. Then it becomes a cage match of crazy. Bridezilla vs. Momzilla: No survivors.
Moms, I know you want everything to be perfect. I’m sorry some crazy relative or storm or fondue-fountain malfunction ruined part of your day. Really, I am. But that was then, and all you’re doing is dumping the trauma on a new generation. Nothing dampens an event like a relationship gone sour, particularly a mom-daughter duel.
Think about your big day. Do you remember that the place settings were all exactly 3.5 feet tall and the napkins matched the bridesmaid dresses perfectly? No?
“It’s all just kind of a blur,” is what I hear most often from brides.
Couples do, however, remember how they were treated, who was naughty and who was nice. So unless you want to be remembered as the reason why they couldn’t wait for it to be over, be nice.
I don’t care if you think it’s funny. I don’t care if the colors were inspired by “Steel Magnolias” or the food looks like it came from a dumpster.
I don’t even care if you’re paying for it. You wouldn’t give someone a gift card and then tell them what they have to buy with it, would you? (The correct answer is no.) It’s not your wedding, or your marriage.
Can couples get a little crazy about some of the details? Sure. But it’s one day. Let ’em have it.
If that means they want to dress up in scuba gear and mouth their vows through oxygen masks, well, it’s weird, but buy a swimsuit and bob along.
So, leave the passive aggressive snark at home. Be supportive. And, please, for the love of all things matrimonial, don’t clink the glassware every 15 seconds during the reception.
Simply put, if you don’t want to witness the wrath of Bridezilla, then don’t poke the bear.